How the (pro)Creative Urge Changes Friendships

Creation changes your life. That holds true whether you create a book or a baby. Any new parent can tell you that having a baby means a major change in lifestyle, and that includes a change in friendships. Ditto the decision to take writing seriously.

This isn't to say parents and writers always lose old friends. It's just that your friendships will change and some will fall away. That's because most childless friends, like non-writer friends, just don't get it.

Consider a couple's first foray into parenthood. Priorities shift and resources become more scarce. Some friends resent the intrusion on your friendship and feel left out when you turn down invitations in favor of baby appointments and cuddle sessions. Some are embarrassed by your breast feeding, diaper changing, sweat pants wearing persona. A few try to ignore the changes and continue to invite you to those impromptu parties - children excluded, of course. These are also the people who'll exhaust a few minutes' patience to listen to your tales of sleeplessness only to inform you that they understand, the pup they call a "fur baby" woke them an hour early to go potty.

A few relationships will grow stronger as all parties work to maintain a place in changing lifestyles and priorities. These are the lifelong friends. You'll also make new friends, the ones who understand when you stop speaking mid sentence to stop the two year old running off the playground or insist the little one let go of the cat's tail. They think nothing of that stain on your jeans from the diaper blowout that interrupts your lunch date, though they may offer a sympathetic laugh to make sure you're aware of it.

Making your writing a priority has the same effect. Once you make the decision to get serious, you step into another world. In true bohemian style, you skip a few functions to find time to write. Deadlines loom, either self imposed or generated by the prospect of actual payment for your labors. You become that oddball with the impossible dream, yet another of those people who are writing a book.

For non literary friends, you may be a bit of an embarrassment, especially if you talk about your work in progress in front of strangers. It's like breast feeding in public. It's passe to protest, but that doesn't mean they can't roll their eyes and exchange that look with others.

Once you find some form of success, they may still have the nerve to ask a small favor to find an agent for that book they always wanted to write.

Others listen, find patience and understanding deep within and encourage you to stay connected. After all, we can't do this in a vacuum, no matter how hard we try to convince ourselves otherwise. These are also the lifelong friends who'll probably stick and help us through the depression of rejection and the elation of acceptance.

Writer friends, like other parents, know your pain. They understand if you want to skip that movie because your vacation time is almost up and your deadline looms. They can talk WIPs, POV and MCs, not to mention subplots and pacing. When they are also positive champions of your work, like the old friends who cheer on your new writing efforts, they are worth more than any amount of gold.

Bottom line, don't give up on the old friendships, even as you make shiny new ones who can talk shop. Try to come out of your story and agent hunt long enough  to give them a buzz or drop them an email. Be the friend you want them to be. When a few drop by the way side because they can't see past the changes, remember the good times with fondness and wish them well.

After all, change is a part of life and relationships, the good, the bad, the past and the present. It all adds to your life experience, which can only add to your writing.