The Other Cheek

Sometimes, cheeky is good.

There are rules when submitting a query. Format, word count, various others... It's like a uniform. Get in line and stand at attention and hope you DO get noticed. Absolutely DO NOT pointlessly flaunt these rules. Still, more often than not, you'll probably be rejected, looked over in the rank and file. If they actually ask for a partial, you're probably *still* going to be rejected, but at least you gave it a shot.

When my stepfather was in the navy after WWII, the chaplain called an assembly before a shore leave in a foreign port. All the enlisted men filed in for the predictable turn the other cheek speech. "Boys," the chaplain said, "I know you're going to go places I'd rather you didn't, and I'm telling you that when the locals see you in that uniform, some are gonna pick a fight for no reason, so you listen to me: when they come up to you with that attitude, I don't want you to say a word to them. I want you to just turn around and punch them right between the eyes just as hard as you can...and if they don't fall down, you run, 'cause they ain't gonna."

It wasn't what they expected, but it was, strangely enough, good advice. There wasn't time to get to know each other and discuss world views. You walk in wearing your uniform, and the people either like you, your uniform and your ugly baby, or they reject you. If they single you out, then throw your best punch and don't apologize; give them the partial from the ms you've spent blood, sweat and tears on, and sell yourself like a cheap Hanoi whore. If they like it and they want it, if they go down after that one massive punch, you're glorious. If not, run, go find another bar, another publisher, another agent, and try again. With luck you'll get time for one beer and a little polish on the query between each.

The one difference is that, when you turn the other cheek, make it your backside as you sprint for the next goal, but never give up. If you get a chance to see the agent you REALLY wanted at a conference, even if they rejected you already, then go ahead, throw that second punch. Who knows, maybe the first one just missed. Just be respectful of their time, and keep your fingers crossed.

And good luck -- maybe this time a Hanoi whore with the ugly baby will be a little bit more to their tastes. ;)