The Rules of Writing

Two of my favorite courses in college were the advanced creative writing classes. I had a teacher who was very cool, and very good.  One of my favorite assignments was a short work (not a "paper" or a "story" or anything so limitingly descriptive) in which we were to break as many of the basic rules of writing as possible.

Intentionally misspell words, throw in nonstandard and inconsistent typefaces, twist the grammar and punctuation wherever possible -- but never to do so without a good reason. This assignment was to find the good reasons, and create something original but still of value.  On the other hand, any nonstandard feature that couldn't be obviously and immediately identified as intentional and worthwhile was counted off.

This was a great exercise.

Any writing endeavor should use the same tricks.  Never break commonly held rules without reason, and more importantly, without value. If your reason doesn't work for the readers, all you're doing is alienating them.

Cameron McClure posted a great article on this some time ago.

As much as I'd love to preach about it, she already did such a great job that you should probably go read that instead, but I do have to underline one point: if you *do* have a good reason and a good way to do it without breaking reader interest, then no rule is sacrosanct.

I was reading over a related post on Chuck Sambuchino's blog as well.

I notice that there's an interesting correlation between the comments and the rules.  "No dreams", says Ms. McClure, and I tend to agree - I don't want to find out after a whole season of wondering "who shot JR" that it was all a ridiculous dream sequence - but  Laurie McLean, Larsen/Pomada Literary Agents says "I dislike opening scenes that you think are real ..., then the protagonist wakes up. It makes me feel cheated."  On the other hand, I've seen good scenes that were obviously dream sequences from the start.

Elmore Leonard says

     2) Avoid prologs.

but I happen to love a well-written prologue that doesn't waste my time. When some event(s) in the past are relevant throughout the story, inform scenes from the very beginning and save a ton of flashback later, develop character and backstory without belaboring the point or depending on excessive narrative, then you could always just make them Chapter One; but when every other chapter of the book is in the present, one that is obviously different deserves a special status.

He also isn't the only one I've seen saying
     3) Never use a verb other than "said" to carry dialog.
Too much unbroken dialogue makes me lose track of who is saying what, and "...said...said...said..." drives me nuts.  The problem isn't when someone uses "asked" or "quipped" or something else instead of said, it's when they do it badly. Asked is appropriate if the dialogue was a question.  Quipped indicates a tone that may not be obvious from the words in the sentence, and sometimes a character wouldn't use words that would make it clear; better to give a small guide word that clarifies a scene than to interrupt a swift banter with an explanatory sentence that forces the reader to pause the flow of action, or to misread and have to backtrack to get the proper sense of it.

Then again, as of this writing I'm not exactly a published author with royalties behind my opinions. Take it with the proverbial grain of salt, and know that if an agent says "I'd like to represent you, but I need you to fix these few little things first," you should look for me in my editing office.

Please? Maybe Just a Little Hint?

I love Twitter. :)

Yesterday I engaged in a volley of relevant commentary with non other than Victoria Strauss, whose Twitter bio modestly lists her as "Adult & YA novelist (8 books), blogger, co-founder of Writer Beware, a publishing industry watchdog group. " Note that I added the links for reader convenience.

She mentioned/quoted Jane Smith, who commented on "Linen Press to start charging £5 per submission." ( c.f.: http://www.linenpressbooks.com/blog/shock-horror-a-charge-for-submissions/1042/ ) I also exchanged tweets with Ms. Smith, and I appreciated the time and input from both these esteemed ladies.

If I could get genuine feedback from every submission, straight from the agent's own preferences, I'd happily pay the $8US. Why?

"I just want to know what I did wrong." It's the writer's perrenial plea when submitting rejected queries.  If you, as an agent, think my book is a stupid premise, or badly written, or anything else, I want to know. You can be honest without being rude, and if you can't, you really shouldn't represent me anyway. I actually do want honest critique.

I really don't want to waste my time pushing a work that's never going to succeed.  If it's got too many typo's, I could fix that, though after editing for two years if we still had rampant typos we would deserve a snarky comment like "maybe not..."

If you just don't like the voice, we could tweak that.  My wife's natural style is terse; not exactly Hemingway, but a little like William Gibson. I tend to be glib. We both welcome feedback.

On the other hand, if you think it would be fine for some other agent, but just doesn't suit your personal tastes, that's valuable info, too.  We've been told that more than once. If you have a suggestion, could maybe give us a referral, that would be gold; we haven't gotten that yet, but it seems to me worth a finder's fee at the very least, if that agent picks us up.

The paranoia whispers that they're just trying not to crush your soul...

Meh. With all that to consider, I'd call $8 cheap for an editing fee. c.f. this from Ms. Smith's blog archive:
 http://howpublishingreallyworks.com/?p=2745
I do hope Linen Press intends more than that for your money, but ...

Basically, every comment is editing.  This would just make it a little more formal. Still, a lot of my conversation with Ms. Smith yesterday repeated this very blog's points, and though there's a great deal of value and truth in it, there are also some very dangerous assumptions, especially from a writer's perspective. No matter what the agent thinks, even a someone with Jane Smith's credentials has to admit that not every agent will think the same. Admittedly, if your manuscript is riddled with flaws you aren't going to get reputable representation, but (from her blog) “I didn’t love this enough” or “this is not right for me” might be the agent's way of shooing you, but they might also be intentionally encouraging you because they didn't personally care for it but believe someone else might.

Then she pointed out something that I had missed - agents give feedback to clients, not random submissions. That's telling.  So often I read these posts and think submission = new author but that's not always so.

Yes, I understand that a smart agent would grab something they felt would sell, regardless of their tastes; but their tastes largely determine what they think will sell.  As I said in an earlier post here, agents aren't machines.  No one can magically know the market.

Rachelle Gardner's recent three minute video blog post addresses it well:

http://www.rachellegardner.com/2011/07/why-agents-dont-give-reasons-with-rejections/

Honestly, as a currently unrepresented writer looking for an agent, it's tough; but once I get an agent, I really do want her to give me more time than random submissions. They earn their pay. Don't doubt it. 

Personally, I'm glad agents don't usually charge for submissions. They basically work on commission; if they think your book will make them money, they'll represent it. That seems pretty fair to me.

But I would point out that if not all agents charge for a submission, writers will skip the one that does. It's a quick way to reduce your workload, I guess...

In the end, what this means to the writer is the same mantra I've been preaching.  Do your homework; refine your craft; find a critique group, and keep an open mind and ear, but believe in yourself, or just stop wasting your time and that of the agents you query.  If you can't put in the effort and then have faith in the work, find another hobby.

Anyone out there care to comment? Please, I'd love to hear your thoughts. Could agents get away with charging for submissions? What would it mean for the industry if it became common practice?

Ugly Is As Ugly Does

First, a link: the article below addresses the all too common problem of brats in public, why we all hate them, and how you really aren't doing them any favors by letting them get away with it.

http://www.cnn.com/2011/OPINION/07/05/granderson.bratty.kids/index.html

LZ Granderson, Contributor to CNN News, I salute you and your sentiment. I think you should also be on CBS news, NBC news, ABC News, Fox News, USA Today, Sesame Street and the Disney channel. Maybe NBC and CBS don't realize what they're missing, but thank goodness CNN is spreading your pithy gospel.

I also thank anyone who's reposted it for the rest of us; in particular, my bud Ben Baker, whose post is (for me at least), even better.

http://porkbrainsandmilkgravy.blogspot.com/2011/07/not-rassling-smackdown.html

It's all about respect, being fair, and doing what's best for everybody even when it's not particularly easy or convenient. Maybe Ben isn't on CNN.com or USA Today, but I bet is Sesame Street got a good photo they'd be happy to make him a muppet...

But I digress. *Ahem*:
<soapbox>What all of this boils down to is that it isn't the screaming brat that's to blame. It's the lazy, careless, or maybe just horribly misguided parent.  Overly Draconian is as bad as overly permissive, but too much of anything is a Bad Thing.</soapbox> 

 So...you do realize that this is still a blog about writing and getting published, acquiring fame and fortune and glory and immortality, right? Right. Thought so.  Accordingly, in the tradition of the past eighteen posts, I will freely mix my metaphors into what I hope to be an alchemist's Elixir of Entertainment while delivering some bit of pithy prose with value to someone.  For all the lead-in, today's chosen topic of pompous pontification is in fact the raging debate over e-books and self publishing.

E-books, and self publishing; a combination like cake and ice cream, and we all know how well those go together.  This wonderful option is commonly touted as the perfect alternative to traditional print publishing through an agent, which is (to stretch the food metaphor just a little further because I'm hungry and I love food in all it's wondrous diversity) the steak and potatoes of the industry.

For the record, I want the steak and potatoes for supper, and the cake and ice cream for dessert, and please don't make me choose. For those of you who want a little more info on the debate, take a look at Nathan Bransford's lovely and insightful breakdown.

http://blog.nathanbransford.com/2011/03/self-publishing-vs-traditional.html

Nathan, you rock.

So, you ask, what has one to do with the other? I'm glad you asked. What? You didn't? Well you should have, but don't worry, I'll tell you anyway.

The one thing Nathan didn't address in that awesome post was marketing.  Published doesn't mean sold. Unsold means unread, unloved, and of course, un-sold, as in, no money.  If you can't get the copies moving, it doesn't matter if you have an ISBN.

I have on a few occasions gone surfing for good new authors on e-book self-pub sites.  Ok, I did it twice.  I lost heart; so very, very much of what I saw struck me as clumsy electronic masturbation that I was embarrassed for the authors, and the signal to noise ratio was so bad that I never did find a good new author to read that way. Of course, a publisher might not market you much either...

Remember, the best marketing is word of mouth.  Get someone to tell someone, and hope it spreads.  That's the Holy Grail, right? The light at the end of this long, dark tunnel is that a certain minimum critical mass of readers will be talking. Someone will notice and blog about you; nearby radio stations will want to interview the local boy done good; reviewers in the papers will notice and tell people what they think.  Readers who talk breed more readers, and you try to hit the point where there are enough readers that some of the ones with media platforms will be among the talkers. Okay, maybe you aren't Kevin Bacon, but if you get people talking, maybe someday you could be Kevin Bacon, or at least someone who knows someone who wants to read your stuff, and who knows Kevin Bacon. After all, Kevin Bacon rocks. <nodnod>

No one will want to talk about your baby if it's really ugly.  If your book is the little hoodlum running about screaming in the restaurant and playing with the light switches, anyone who does talk will be warning off people they like. That's not the kind of publicity you want.

What kind of book is that ugly baby? It's usually the ones with the predictable, classic blunders.

• Poor grammar.
• Poor punctuation.
• Poor spelling.
• Clumsy sentences. 
• Clichés.
• Redundancies.
• Thin plot.
• Overly predictable or undeveloped characters.
• Trend chasing (please, if you're writing another book about vampires or werewolves or wizards, have a little pity on your potential agent and just try something else?)
• Hubris.

Hubris, you say? Yes.  Just because you think NASCAR is the coolest thing since the invention of the sparkplug and happen to like pie, don't assume a book about a pie chef who races is going to be popular.  What makes a book is story, characters, and the telling of it. As a story, Piérre the Pastry Chef who wins a chance to race with the big boys might actually be a good yarn if you can spin it with some wit and panache, but you, the writer, need to make it interesting. Don't just assume it is.

Too many books are published these days by people who pin their hopes and dreams on the POD market without doing the gauntlet at all.  Querying an agent is a pain, but it does inspire you to get your little duckies in a row. Let me assure you that while we are diligently querying agents for representation with a traditional print publisher, we also hope to make the work available on Amazon.com's kindle, and B&N's nook.

Don't get me wrong.  I personally know some self-publishing authors whose books were quite good. I just hope they market well, because otherwise they're putting their brainchild into the rank and file of all the really ugly kids, and they may get lost in the crowd.

But then honestly, isn't that true of the bookstore shelves as well? The only difference is that all those books have already been vetted; they've all already won at least one beauty contest.  If you're out to find a good looking kid, wouldn't you consider looking at the pageant before you scan the alley?  Honestly, when browsing for a book, don't most of us search the shelves? Unless we already have one in mind; then I usually go straight to the net.  

And that's kinda the point.

It's All in the Delivery

Mothers can tell you there's no pain like labor. Mothers with grown children can tell you they might have been wrong, that raising them is worse. They can also usually tell you that the reason it's worth it all is much more than just the payoff of a grown and respectable offspring.  If they're honest, some will even admit that one of the best parts if just trying to get the whole thing started...

"Hey, I've got an idea..."

Something has to inspire one to spend hours on end writing something that might never make it anywhere. Face it, the average doctoral thesis is over two hundred pages, where a common first novel is three hundred.

And no matter what your idea, it's always easier to make it sound stupid than to make it interesting. Every asteroid apocalypse story could be sold as Chicken Little. The hard part is telling your idea so it isn't lame, and then talking about it in synoptic brief for queries in a way that doesn't make it sound lame.

I just put our first draft synopsis (read "query template") for CADAGAR'S JUSTICE in the right margin. Comments and suggestions welcome, but one of the biggest issues is that it's a cultural piece. All the characters are from one of a few cultural backgrounds, and none are Earth-"normal". Most of the main cast are Pellans; though there's a great deal of history behind it, someone will call them "star werewolves". A couple of important players are Ptokariat clergy from a world where total personal responsibility drives a purely agrarian lifestyle, but someone will boil them down to "hick neo-Catholic atheists". All I can hope is that the crass oversimplifications are belied by the quality of the writing.

As of this July 4th, 2011, CADAGAR's is over 20k words and climbing swiftly.  Watch for updates, and happy 4th.

Love The One You're With

And there's a rose
 in the fisted glove,
And the eagle flies
 with the dove,
and if you can't be
 with the one you love,

Love the one you're with.

Love the one you're with.

(Du-doot, doot, doot,

 doot, doot, du-doot!)

I like the song.  I always thought the sentiment was a little vague, though.  Personally, I tend to think that way; polyamory makes sense to me. The problem is that so many men use it to excuse cheating. I don't condone that; if your spouse grants you leave and license to do as you please, then well and good, all is right in the world, but most don't think that way. What she doesn't know won't hurt me is criminal thinking, and you deserve to lose the house and have to pay alimony.  You asked for it.

Fortunately, books are more forgiving, at least for me.  Some people don't work that way, I understand, but personally, I like a harem.  My wife doesn't mind that, as long as it's books, so we have an accord.

That's also why "her" book is done, while all of mine are still in various stages of development.  Her pen is more of a serial monogamist, with the exception of an occasional flirtation with a short story, where mine is a total slut. I currently have more than a half dozen titles in process (one of which is always whatever she's working on), all with scores of thousands of words and significant research and planning for plot, character, setting, etc. Sounds like I'm just a love 'em and leave 'em type? No agent would want to pick up someone so flightly, who never finishes what he starts.

It isn't so. I love them all, and hope to get every one on a shelf. The few that were just flirtations are still only notes in my phone, but I have hopes; they're like names in my little black book that I occasionally linger over and consider calling, but no, I have too many in the harem already, and can't give them all the love and attention and devotion they deserve.  Yes, I will freely admit that they all suffer from slower growth because they don't get dedicated attention.

But very soon I'll get synopses and wordcounts in the sidebar for a few of them.  They're all my ugly babies, and I love them, every one.  I believe in them, have faith they can grow up to be proud books with Michael Whelan covers, even.

Ok, to be realistic, I do tend to focus on one at a time for a while. My day job interrupts, but then that's why we're hoping to sell a few books.  This is a career change.  My goal is to retire from life in cubeville and write full time, if we can just get the first few out the door. Accordingly, we prioritize, and focus primarily on whatever is most promising, but then NaNoWriMo comes around and I crank out the frame for another one. Then we go back to our best bet and polish some more.  

But I still sneak away for a few thousand words of tryst with one of the others pretty often, and when we get stuck on one, when writer's block or stubborn characters or sudden realizations of gaping plot holes with no obvious fix bring one work to a grinding halt, we can always shift for a while. We maintain productivity and get our time off from the offending work to let the subconscious chew the contentious bone for a while, both at the same time. So far, it's kept us busy, and we should have a flood of books becoming available for release in the next few short years.

Because, you see, when we can't be with the one we love, we love the one we're with. =o)

Twilight Fireflies

I walked out into the yard this evening with my family and watched the shadows darken beneath the trees as my twenty-one month old son danced in grass still wet from the afternoon rain.  Our eleven year old daughter ran through the yard in a cat mask, a string for a tail, catching fireflies and letting them go.  I watched the little black dots vanish into the darker shades behind, then blink like shooting stars for our amusement. The geese grumbled by the henhouse, and the goats stood watching us watch the show, stiocally chewing their afternoon forage.

In moments like that, a writer finds all he or she needs to build a world.

HUSH began on just such a walk through the yard in mid-2008.  My son was still a discussion, but the honeysuckle was in glorious bloom, and the sun and the breeze and our daughter playing were enough to inspire my wife.  She imagined a simple vignette, a dusty, well armed cowgirl-soldier sitting her horse to watch over the children at play.  A Catcher in the Rye, quiet and tired but ready to do battle for the welfare of her charges.  Everything else grew out of that moment.

Even if it never makes a dime, an eventuality I find hard to believe, though it's always possible - even then, it will have been worth it. I am a better person for having read the tale that she started, that we finished and polished together. May my own ideas bear that sort of fruit.

Because It Was There

"So what's up with  this blogging thing, anyway? What's the point?"

Ok, so it isn't exactly climbing a mountain, but why do we blog? Let's face it, at this point we're mostly talking to ourselves.  I know a few other people are reading, but we only have one registered follower (thanks, Ben. :)  So what's it all for?

No, we're not just stroking our egos.  The reason it looks that way is because we're liberally applying salve.  The truth is less glamorous; one of the main reasons we bother is to whip our confidence into performing shape. We're giving ourselves pep talks in open letters to the public.  We just hope that the contents might someday also be of value to other writers.

We do sincerely apologize to those of our friends who find the subject matter less than stimulating.  I know that not everyone wants to be a writer or cares about our attempts.  We try to make entries sufficiently entertaining, but the point of the website is really moral support for those trying to break into the market, such as ourselves.

Yes, we try to offer valuable advice, useful links, and consistent encouragement, but all these things are really not the only reasons. There are more mercenary thoughts behind this.

It's a public exposure.  On the right, I have arranged a query-ish blurb about the book currently being shopped.  If some agent happens to see me posting on Twitter and follows my link here, maybe they'll read the pitch and ask for pages.  Hey, it could happen.  There's no law that says they can't actively seek out a good story when the breadcrumbs lead to where it was carefully placed on the sidewalk for them to find. As we manage to get the pitch text for other books we're working on in the margin, the effect should improve. No, we're not betting little Jonny's college fund on it, but optimism has its place.

Likewise, there is always the possibility that some honest citizen who peeked at a page once and thought it was cute might remember that when a book hits the shelf, and say "hey, I like their writing.  Lemme see that..."  If he picks it up and talks himself into a sale, then it's working.  Do I think this blog will drive thousands of sales my way anytime soon? Well, no, and not only because we aren't published yet, but it's one more straw on the proverbial camel's back.  Nothing sells a book like word of mouth, but a link one can share sometimes makes that effort a little easier.

But in the final analysis, I blog because it's fun.  I love to write.  I love to put together witty phrases, and navigate logical reefs to an obscure point, and think about how the meter and rythm and content of a sentence might affect a reader toward the emotional end that I wanted.  I don't usually try to make people reading the blog cry (yet...), but a chuckle is as good as money.

We're not taking our eyes off the summit.  We plan to plant that flag; but for now, the climbing is good practice.  See you at the top.